Poults

~ First time photographing poults (baby turkey)

Settled

As I was leaving town a few days back,  I caught a velvet glow sneaking through the deep sage along the irrigation ditch, behind some old stacks of “things”,  left by man. I pulled to the side of the road and watched a group of bachelor bucks sneak through to spend their day in a quieter, less “populated” spot. I snapped a few photos and smiled to myself because I realized that even on the edges of town, natural things can still flourish and grow as long as they are able to find those quiet places when they need them.

My move has been made and I am settling in. Boxes are unpacked and my world has taken on a semblance of order.
The sunrises peaking over the Pryors and sounds of chuckar calling from the surrounding hills have, for now, been replaced with the sunshine peaking over the tops of trees (town trees) and the sounds of early morning traffic as people begin their work days.  My wide open windows that welcomed nature in, have been replaced with curtains and blinds to keep my privacy within these four walls…

I have settled. But only temporarily.

This is a safe place to start. A safe place to rest while I search for “me”.

As I sit here trying to find the words to describe how I feel this morning~ I caught myself sliding over a bit on the couch to avoid a spot of blinding sunlight that has found it’s way around the corner of the blinds on my East facing door. I heard a noise outside and stopped typing to focus on the sound. A birds call.  As I listen to try and determine what has this small creature so worked up this morning,  I realize that while  I was focused on the birds call outside my new home, the engine sounds from  the occasional passing vehicles seemed to fade away revealing a whole chorus of morning bird song.

And even though parts of my heart will always long for it,
I don’t have to be immersed in nature to appreciate it and know that it still surrounds me. Some how,  it always has a way of finding  me and sending a gentle reminder  that no matter where you are in life, Nature is still there, if you are only willing to acknowledge  it.

Today I am headed up on the mountain. I am settled, but I am also flexible enough to be able to blow with the mountain breezes and float on the clean mountain streams if they are taking me to a better place.

Settled, but not anchored.

Growth

There is one thing in our world that is a given.
Life goes on.

When life kicks your feet our from under you and continues to go on, we each have a choice as to how we handle it.
We can bury our head in the sand and pretend that nothing has changed. Lie down and feel sorry for ourselves.

Or use the opportunity to open our eyes to the truth and grow.

Life recently kicked my feet out from under me, and refuses to let me get a breath.

Through “well meaning” actions and words from some, and self centered actions of another “life” continues to kick me in the stomach every day.
But only because I have let it.
This morning I woke up. Poured myself a cup of coffee and sat looking at the boxes scattered around my home. I thought long and hard as to how to proceed.
I realized I expect too much of people.

Self absorbed people don’t realize, so could never care how their actions hurt others.  No one can explain it to them, or MAKE them understand, because life is about “them.” They thrive on attention and wants. They have no regard for how their behavior effects others.

It is what it is.
People will cling to the drama of the situation and run with it.  I have friends that are hurting themselves, and reaching out to me to support them and help them through their own pain. Not realizing that I barely have the energy or strength to keep my own head above water. And others who still expect me to clean up and validate their feelings.

Good coffee and a beautiful sunrise this morning cleared my head. I have amazing family and friends.
I have children to care for and build memories with.

I have a future ahead of me.
I no longer have to take the blows from this part of life.. they aren’t mine to take

My future will be a clean one,

I can only  be manipulated by the actions of others  if I allow it.
Instead I will do as I always have and focus on the beauty in the world around me, and to show my children what is beautiful and right and real.

Life happens. But how each of us chooses to proceed will define who and what we become..

I chose to see the truth.
I chose to grow.

Soar

I love watching these magnificent creatures soar.  The wind playing over their wings gives them the greatest joy, and obvious sense of freedom.
Freedom~ what is freedom?
For some freedom means doing what they want, when they want, with no one telling them what to do, or how to do it. For some freedom means complete and utter selfishness.
I don’t believe they will ever truly be free.

Maybe it is the mother in me, but I don’t see how anyone can ever feel happy or free by putting their wants and needs ahead of everyone else.
Everyone deserves to be happy.
and I cannot speak for anyone but me. I can’t say what makes one person happy and not the other. I can only say what makes me happy, and what makes me feel free.
My happiness comes from within. From knowing that I have tried, and will continue to make my best effort to do what is right, not just for me, but for those I hold dear to me.. and even for those I don’t even know.
I find freedom in the look in my children’s eyes. I find happiness in listening to them sleep peacefully at night.
Yes, everyone should be happy. But happiness isn’t given or taken by others. Not true, lasting happiness anyhow.
Happiness and a sense of freedom comes from caring for and about others. Happiness comes from within. From knowing that no matter how hard or easy things are~ you are doing what is right.

The smile and encouragement from others gives me happiness. The open country side gives me a sense of freedom.

They are both sweet and they are both beautiful, but neither are lasting.

If I am not doing what I know is “right” then I can never be happy or free, only chained by my own inner turmoil.
But Freedom to me~ comes from knowing I am taking care of those I promised to. Finishing what I started and following through with my commitments and promises.

Not for anyone else, but for ME.

I don’t HAVE to do anything. Because I am FREE~ each and every day I can choose to do what ever I want to do.  But I am unselfish enough to remember that my choices effect more than just “me”.
and what I want is so much more than “me”.  I choose to crawl out of bed each morning, even when I want to bury my head under the pillows and pretend the world doesn’t exist.

I choose to care for my children. I chose to support them and encourage them to be the best that they can be.
I choose to do what is right, no matter how sweet and easy the alternatives my be. Because my world will never be just about “me”.
I chose the “high road” or in my case the unmarked trail.  Because my happiness or lack of, comes from no one but me.
And happiness to me is doing what it takes to provide for my family, the love and respect in their eyes gives me a sense of freedom that can never be caged.

I don’t HAVE to be a mother~ I chose to be a mother every second of every day.
I don’t HAVE to be a friend, I make that choice every time I speak to someone
I don’t HAVE to work and do what is right, I choose those things.

The world is SO much bigger than me. And I choose to be free. I choose to live by example and try to show my children that happiness doesn’t come from strangers patting you on the back and telling you how great you are. Those who truly love and care for you won’t do that. They will tell you the truth. They will point out your faults~ because they are the only ones who really know and care.
Happiness comes from within, you and only you are in control of that ~
You will find in all things~ exactly what you look for.
But is what you are focusing on, really what will make you happy and free…

oops

I woke up early this morning and was going about my usual business. As I was making coffee in the early morning light, I walked by the front door and caught the unmistakable movement of fur out the window. It wasn’t my dog, it wasn’t my cat. But an unwanted wild creature that had descovered the remains of food I had left outside in the dog bowl. I live in bear country and I knew at once that what I had done was not smart. I grabbed my camera and took a photo through the window. Knowing that I had to get rid of the creature but not yet ready to deal with the impending assault if I tried to go out on the deck and chase it off, I kicked the door. Fur stood up on end and the animal spun and faced me. I kicked again and it just put its head down and resumed eating.
Dang! I gathered my courage and flipped the lock on the door. ~ my faithful dog was outside some place and I hoped that she wouldn’t decide that now was a good time to defend her human.

The 4 legged beast had it’s head buried in the dog bowl and continued to eat.

I slowly turned the door handle and pulled the door open toward me, ready to slam it shut again if needed to protect myself~ all the while wondering what kind of barrier the door would be against the potential onslaught.  The animal lifted it’s head and as I hoped it didn’t waste any time retreating up and over the hill side.

I live in bear country ~ lucky for me, my visitor this morning was small and furry, with claws, sharp teeth, and  a potent “aroma”  Rather than large and dangerous.
I know better than to leave dog or cat food outside. I had smelled it’s presence and knew it was hanging around. Next I spot fur moving across my deck in the early morning light~ It might not be quite so friendly.